Love is Pain
by SwEeT-cHiCk-08
Summary: Miroku dropped to his knees, his fall cushioned by the soft mud. It started raining when she asked to speak to him private. It was as if Buddha was crying for his stupid disciple who threw away his only chance at true love. Some ppl are ooc!
1. The well

Disclaimer: Don't own IY! Although I wish I could own miroku! SNIFF!

A/N: I was depressed so I felt like writing if you like it ill add more! Its supposed to be a two chapta fic! So you ask and I will give!

Luv

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The Well

"Why are you doing this to me! Why!" Kagome cried out as she collapsed in tears. Getting no response from Miroku, she whispered dejectedly, "Don't you care at all?"

Miroku looked down in shame, trying to hide his self-loathing. "K-Kagome-sama I'm so sorry." Miroku stuttered.

Kagome looked up at him through her bangs. 'Kagome-sama.' The words tore through her heart. After all they had been through, after all that they shared, he talked to her as if she was a complete stranger, a nobody… "It's okay Houshi-sama." Kagome bit out, her bitterness clinging to every word she uttered.

Miroku dropped to his knees, his fall cushioned by the soft mud. It started raining when she asked to speak to him private. It was as if Buddha was crying for his stupid disciple who threw away his only chance at true love. 'You can't take back what you've did.' Sang his conscience. She didn't truly love him. His staff fell to the ground making a clinking sound as it went down. Miroku took a deep breath and looked up at Kagome. "Kagome I am so sorry." Miroku whispered between silent sobs that wracked his whole body.

Kagome looked up. A smile on her lips that didn't reach her eyes. It brought a chill to Miroku's spine, 'she looks so dead, did I do this?' Miroku thought to himself. But Miroku was snapped out of his musings as he heard a hallow laughter coming from Kagome. He looked over to her to see she was standing. "Don't be! I was just one of your stupid whores who thought you had a heart. Now I see you're the worthless hentia I always thought you to be." Kagome said in an accusing manner and slapped him on his cheek.

Miroku's heart broke into a million pieces. "Kagome." He whispered in a pleading manner. He lunged at her before she could run off and tightly hugged her waist. His tears soaking her already drenched clothes. "Please Kagome."

"Let me go Miroku!" Kagome screamed banging her fists on his back but he wouldn't let her go. She broke down and cried. It felt as if her heart was being wrenched from her body. Kagome's fists dropped to her sides and her head dropped. "Why Miroku, why?" Kagome managed to choke out. "Why!" She screamed out to the forest. "Why do you this to me, Miroku?" Her words seem to echo throughout the forest forging a rhythm with the falling rain.

"Answer me God-Damnit!" Kagome cried out in frusteration. "Please Miroku." Kagome said in a broken whisper. Threading her hands through Miroku's hair freeing it of its binding.

"Kagome," Miroku whispered tightening his hold around her waist. His heart was breaking more and more hearing Kagome's voice so broken. He did this to her. It was all his fault. He ruined the only good in his life.

"I thought you loved me." Kagome barely breathed out staring straight ahead watching the rain fall down to the ground.

"I do Kagome." Miroku whispered into her waist.

"Lair!" Kagome screamed as she collapsed into the mud with Miroku still hanging on to her waist. Kagome couldn't stop the sobs from escaping. She didn't want to sound so hurt. "Then why did you do this to me?"

"I don't know. I was afraid I guess." Miroku answered fearing her reaction.

"Don't you think I was afraid too! Huh! After all I would have to live with your death as a reminder that I failed to save the one that I loved." Kagome could taste the mixture of tears and rainwater as she licked the side of her cheek in a nervous gesture.

Something in Miroku snapped if he hadn't done what he did then she would have been more hurt. He had to stay strong for the both of them. He abruptly pushed Kagome away from him. Not suspecting the push Kagome fell backwards sinking into the mud. Miroku stood up. He had to do this for the both of them. She would hurt less. He was just saving her the inevitable misery that came with loving him. He clenched his fists in determination. "Your right." He said in a voice dripping with hatred. Kagome didn't move from where she lay. She just welcomed the falling rain with open arms. " Didn't you hear me you're right! I felt nothing for you. I used you to make Sango jealous. I don't love you at all. How could I love such a Naïve girl. Your barely a women, you don't know anything about the world. A child like you would NEVER satisfy me. You're just a pathetic inexperienced geisha no one wants. "

Kagome clenched her eyes shut and rolled her head from side to side covering her silky black hair with mud. "You don't mean it." She whispered.

'Stay strong Miroku, this is for the both of you.'

"Go back home Kagome and never return. You don't belong here. You're not worthy enough for this task. Go home."

"You don't mean it?" She cried out with so much uncertainty that her statement sounded like a question.

Miroku didn't want to see his Kagome like this. The Kagome he knew would be so sure of herself. She would scream and rant and never let go but the Kagome he knew was gone. He broke her when she saw him having sex with Sango and the whole time he was having sex with Sango all he could think about was Kagome. How much silkier her hair was, how her skin was so much smoother, how her voice was laced with so much more innocence then Sango's. That's when he knew he didn't deserve someone as pure as Kagome; only god's right hand angel deserved her. (A/N: Yeah I know he's Buddhist) And he knew from this point on things would never be the same. He did it for her own good. 'Please stay strong.' Miroku prayed to an unknown god.

"Get over it Kagome I despise you."

Kagome sat up. She knew she looked pathetic. She was covered with mud and her hair was sticking to her face and back in clumps. But right now that wasn't her concern. The only man she ever truly loved, the one she was willing to give up everything for, never truly loved her. It was all lies. No, she refused to believe it.

"No I don't believe you. You're lying you don't mean it!" Kagome cried out.

Miroku growled out in frustration and grabbed Kagome's face roughly making her look into his eyes. "I don't love you Kagome, I love Sango. I always did." Miroku felt his heart wrench, this hurt even more then her yelling at him. Her eyes looked so pained brimmed with tears. Who couldn't take this heartache. 'No Kagome, I love you! I love you more than life itself. I love you more than tea, more than groping women, more than ominous clouds hanging over mansions. Please Kagome don't leave me because I'm lost with out you!' His mind screamed out.

Kagome could she the hatred in his eyes and felt the harsheness of his fingers digging into her cheeks. 'I don't love you Kagome, I love Sango. I always did.' The unwelcome statement rang through her mind. Bringing tears to her eyes, and even worse, pain to her heart. She looked over his face memorizing every contour that she loved so much. She brought her hand up to his face in a daze, not really thinking about what she was doing. Kagome traced Miroku's lips, his soft lips that where so tender when he kissed her, his cheeks, and his beautiful amethyst eyes with her fingertips. Kagome withdrew her hand from Miroku's face when she felt jealousy wiggle its way into the pieces of her heart thinking that Sango had the experience of Miroku's lips all over her, his body, his hands, everything Miroku had he gave it to Sango that night when they made love, and today when he admitted that he didn't have anything left for her to take because he wholly belonged to Sango. Kagome was going to push him away from her and run to the well but something stopped her.

"Miroku why are you crying?"

Miroku gasped and his eyes turned loving. He couldn't do this to her, he loved her way too much. Miroku pulled Kagome into a bear hug. Reveling in the feeling of her body pressed against his. It felt so right and their bodies melded together perfectly. But he had to protect her from his curse. Miroku almost lost his resolved when he felt Kagome hug him back just as tightly as he hugged her, but he had to go through with this if he wanted her to have a chance at happiness, and of course he did. Even at the price of his own happiness.

Kagome felt chills run down her spine as Miroku's hot breath caressed her ear. "Goodbye Kagome."

Before Kagome knew it Miroku grabbed the shards from around her neck and pushed her into the well. Kagome screamed Miroku's name as she reached out her hands for him to save her but he didn't move a muscle to save her. Miroku stood there just staring at her, soaking wet, his amethyst eyes filled with love and tears, mouthing those three little words. I love you. That was the last thing Kagome saw as a blue light engulfed her whole body.


	2. Chapter 2: How It All Began

Disclaimer: ugg i always forget this thing...probably cause i love living in a fantasy world where i own inuyasha! But sadly it isnt a fantasy world and i dont own inuyasha! Sniff! O well at least i own this fanfic! muaahahahahah!

A/N: Thanks to all my reviewers! I really love yall your reviews made me happy! I will take your suggestions into mucho consideration! I'm so happy that you guys liked it and I hope you'll like this chapter just as much! I've decided to make this one-shot into a story! It will probably span about ten chapters or more I'm not totally sure yet we'll see how it goes! Anyways enjoy the story!

Mucho luv

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P.S. Animeboytoykoi-don't worry I kind of get that feeling too when I read over it…..does anyone else get the feeling that somethings wrong with it meaning the 1st chappie? If you ever figure it out tell me so i can change it and make it rite!Anyways thanks mucho for reviewing and im glad you liked it! And with the sad music thing I totally understand what you're talking about! Actually I wrote this under the influence of depressing music hence its angstyness of dooooooom!

Toxiclollipop: Welcome to the dark side muahahahahah!

Charmedreality: You're wish is my command!

Ffchick: I shall mull it ova but I think you might be on to something.

Y12blue12, Addanc-tsc, Duzzie, Jon: Yay im glad you liked it! And hopefully this chapter will be just as good!

**IMPORTANT NOTE: I have a question do you guys want this fic to include lemon? and the fic's name is bothering me it doesnt really fit so if any of yall come up with and idea for the name please tell me!**

_ItalicsFlashback_

P.O.V. Changer

'' Thoughts

**Chapter 2: How it All Began**

Kagome landed at the bottom of the well with a thud. She was in a momentary shock. What happened? Her mind was trying to catch up with the going ons. Too much things happened on the other side of the well. Kagome took a deep shuddering breath. She let it out collapsing into tears. 'So,' Kagome thought, 'Miroku doesn't love Sango, he loves me…?' Kagome smiled "Yeah he loves me!" she screamed with joy. Then a moment later her eyes opened to unusually large proportions. "Stupid Hentia he took the Shikon shards!" Kagome was pissed. She hated it when people didn't think she could handle herself. Well she was going to have a talk with Miroku.

Kagome rushed out of the well and found her cat Buyo'slitter box. She wrinkled her nose as she dug through it locating the Shikon shards she kept in there just in case. When Kagome was pushed into the well by Inuyasha she took extra precautions to make sure nothing like that happened again. Placing the shards in her pockets she ran towards her house. She wasn't finished just yet. Kagome had a plan for Miroku.

As she climbed the stairs to her roomshedeclared with much glee,"Ooh just you wait Miroku, just you wait. I'm going to make it so hard for you to push me away. When I'm finished with you won't be able to get enough of me."

With a sadistic smile that would make Naraku proud shewalked to her closet anddug up some clothes. Snickering, Miroku will defenately be in for a big surprise the next time he saw this Miko.

Miroku took a deep shaky breath. He couldn't believe he just did that. He actually pushed Kagome away. He fell down on his butt and laughed. Miroku had no clue why he was laughing all he knew was that he was relieved. He stood up and dusted himself off. He couldn't face the rest of the group just yet or there questiong about Kagome's where abouts. So he decided to walk to the hot spring in order to meditate. When Miroku got there he sat down and his eyes instantly closed. Man was he tired. What started all of this, he wondered. How did Kagome and him get so entangled in each others lives, that they could barely breathe without the other? Miroku smiled he remebered the exact moment that started it all, ithappened to be on his"birthday"….

flash back

_Miroku was meditating as always trying not to think of his Kazaana. He could feel it growing bigger minute by minute. There was nothing he could do but just wait for his death. Unless the miraculous happened and they beat Naraku, which he highly doubted. The group was in their second year of this Naraku crusade and they weren't getting any closer to defeating him._

_"Miroku-sama?" Kagome asked interrupting his musings._

_Miroku cracked one eye opened and smilled at the innocent girl. She just turned 16 a women in the feudal era, if it wasn't for her demeanorMiroku would gladly agree that Kagome wasawomen. She had some wonderful assets that was for sure...Miroku shook his head trying to rid himself of such perverted thoughts, it was tooearly to get a beating._

_"Yes, Kagome-sama?" Miroku asked with a forcedsmile._

_Kagome held out her hand, "Come with me, I have a surprise for you!"_

_Miroku was taken aback. "A surprise?" _

_Kagome just nodded her head. Miroku was sorely tempted to ask what kind of surprise but he held it in check. After all this was Kagome she was the girl in the group that was totally off limits. Plus she was too pure for this tainted monk anyways. Miroku smiled and took her hand. Kagome dragged him towards a hot spring and asked him to sit down._

_"Okay now close your eyes!"_

_Miroku went along and closed his eyes. She was not making it easy for him. "Kagome-sama please tell me my surprise is watching you bathe. Such a present would makethis monk very happy!"_

_"Miroku-sama!" he heard Kagome whine as she bopped him on the head, "be serous."_

_Miroku rubbed his head ruefully. "Okay I promise from now on I'll be serious."_

_"Good," he heard Kagome's voice right in front of him, "Now open your eyes."_

_Miroku opened his eyes to a smiling Kagome holding a strange object in her hands._

_"Surprise!" Kagome said tilting her head, "It's called a cake. In my time you give it to people when its there birthday."_

_Miroku's eyes widened, "But Kagome-sama it's not my birthday."_

_Kagome nodded still wearing a goofy smile, "Oh I know," Kagome replied, "but it's just that...um...well it's been a year and since I didn't know when your birthday was I thought we could celebrate it today."_

_Miroku frowned, "Kagome-sama don't pity me. It will greatly lower my respect for you."  
Kagome was a smart girl and understood what Miroku wassaying.'Don't pity me becuase of Kazaana. I'm fine by myself, it is my curse and no one elses.Backoff.'_

_With that thought in mind Kagome's smile quickly turned upside down."Miroku I don't pity you."_

_"Then why this sudden interest in my birthday when you usually don't take any notice of me unless I do something perverted, hmmm?" Miroku asked with his head tilted._

_Kagome's face turned down, her bangs hiding her features. "It's just that," Kagome sighed and lifted her head. Miroku was amazed to see that there were tears in her eyes. He didn't mean to hurt her feelings._

_"Miroku-kun don't give up hope. You're not alone you know. All of us we care about you and I... I meanWE hate to see you look so sad."_

_Miroku stared at her in awe; did she just call him Miroku-kun? To say he was shocked was an understatement. It must have shown since he heard Kagome giggle. "Miroku-kun close your mouth."_

_Miroku complied with Kagome's wishes. He watched as Kagome placed the cake-thing beside him and kissed him on the cheek. "Happy birthday Miroku-kun." Kagome whispered with a slight blush on her face._

_Kagome turned around intending to walk back to campbut shewas stopped by Miroku's voice, "Kagome-Chan will you not help celebrate my birthday by eating cake with me?"_

_Kagome spun around to see a smiling Miroku. Such look of amazement and happiness on Kagome's face melted Miroku's heart. He knew if she would have walked away right then his soul would havebeen sucked away by the Kazaana. But being Kagome she accepted with a cheerful smile and sat by him. "Miroku-sama, is it okay if I call you Miroku-kun?" Miroku laughed at the way she posed the question. It sounded as if she was a kid asking for some sweets before dinner._

_Miroku nodded his towardsKagome saying,"Sure Kagome-sama, as long as I'm allowed to keep calling you Kagome-Chan."_

_Kagome's smile turned even brighter, if that was possible. She sat beside him nodding her head. "Of course Miroku-kun!"_

_"Oh and Kagome-chan one more thing."_

_"Yes?" Kagome asked confusion written clearly in her eyes._

_"Thank you." Miroku replied witha genuine smile. Miroku knew he looked like a little boy but he didnt care becuase for once in his entire lifeMiroku was truly happy._

_Kagome took his cursed hand in hers and kissed it. "Happy Birthday Miroku-kun."_

_Miroku stared into her eyes shocked yet again. That was the best present she gave him so far. He knew what she meant by the gesture. That everything was going to be okay and that she was there for him._

_They held hands,depending on each others comfort just for today,as they watched the sunset.Totally forgetting about the birthdaycake_(A/n: aww poor birthday cake!).

Miroku quickly drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face and a tear on his cheek. His last coherent thought was that he loved kagome and whatever happens in his life nothing will ever change that fact.


	3. Sneezing Means someone is thinking of U

A/N: So ya it's been a long time since i updated teheh...sry. But i was always bad with the whole updatey thingy. Anywho hope you enjoy the chapter...and im sad to say this story is getting a lil cliched but that's okay. As long as you guys enjoy it it wont bother me. Oh and thanks for all the reviews it made me really happy! THis chapter is a tribute to all the great reviews and feed back i got.

love

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**Chapter Three: Sneezing Means Someone Is Thinking About You**

**Feudal Era: The Shikon Hunter's Campsite**

Inuyasha paced nervously back and forth.

"Somethin fishy is goin on." He grunted speaking to the Kitsune.

It had been a couple of days since they saw Kagome and the monk was walking around all depressed while the demon slayer trailed behind him licking his footsteps. It was sickening.

Inuyasha was no fool far from it. He could smell that the monk had joined together with the demon slayer.

"Hey Inuyasha," the kitsune whispered breaking his train of thought, "why does Miroku and Sango smell like mates if Miroku and Kagome were supposed to be mates. It doesn't make sense."

Inuyasha wrinkled his nose sometimes that kid could be dense. (a/n: hah look who's talking)

"Baka, why do you think I said somtin fishy is goin on."

The kitsune looked like he was about to say something to defend himself but inuyasha growled at Shippo effectively silencing him. He needed to think and the kid's prodding questions weren't going to help any. He knew that Miroku loved Kagome heck it was obvious by just the way he looked at her. It was the same way he looked at Kikyo. But something had gone terribly wrong. Or maybe Kagome got some sense knocked into her and decided to dump Miroku to go join a temple to become a priestess.

Inuyasha gave off an annoyed sigh as he thought 'Maybe Miroku just screwed everything up.'

And after all the hard work that went to accepting their relationship and restraining himself from giving Miroku another bottomless pit in his groin area it all went to moot. When he first witnessed their relationship he was outraged to say the least but he saw the sincere way they looked at each other and he could tell it was the real thing. So he kept silent and just watched the progression of their relationship never giving a hint that he knew about it. The Kitsune wasn't supposed to know about it either but Miroku has never been the one for conspicuousness.

But that wasn't important. What was important was that Kagome was missing and Miroku obviously screwed Sango. And he couldn't just ask straight out "why?"

Plus he knew how sensitive Kagome could be what if she was planning to throw herself off a building. No! Kagome was too strong to be broken that easily, right? RIGHT? Inuyasha gulped as worse case scenarios ran through his head. All depicting Kagome and her gruesome self inflicted death.

In his blind panic he grabbed the Kitsune by the tail startling the poor foxboy. "We're going to the well to find Kagome." Inuyasha said in a gruff no nonsense voice.

The Kitsune nodded and closed his eyes in fear as Inuyasha hopped from tree top to tree top. Hoping beyond hope that Inuyasha wouldn't drop him because really one hundred years isn't really enough time to live a fulfilled life, plus who would Kagome hugged when she went to sleep and who would eat all of her poky if he wasn't around?

**The Hot Spring**

Miroku drummed his fingers impatiently against the stone, his annoyance reaching spectacular heights. At every turn he had to avoid Sango.

'Was she always this clingy?'

The instant the thought entered his mind he felt an extreme guilt. She had had a hard life and painful past something Miroku could relate to. That was why he was so drawn to Sango at first, it was her sorrow it made her beautiful ethereal beyond this plain. But the draw of sorrow can only last so long.

Happiness and joy is what made people stay. And that was Kagome: happiness, hope, joy, everything that was good in life rolled up into one bundle with an enticing short green skirt. Miroku smirked remembering all the times he used to tease her about that skirt ending up with them in an intense make out. All those memories made lil Miroku stand up.

Miroku groaned and hit himself in the head no more thinking about her. He was just making himself suffer. Kagome……no SHE wasn't coming back. Miroku slouched in the warm spring water trying to convince himself this was for "their own good" was a lot harder than he thought it was going to be. (a/n: in more ways than one..tehe.)

**Present Day Japan Higurashi Residence**

Kagome sat on her bed with the skankiest clothes she owned crumpled in her hands. A year ago her friends made her buy them it was part of their plan to entice hojo. But it was part of her plan to entice Inuyasha.

Kagome let out a bitter laugh, "oh how things have changed." She thought out loud.

Maybe she should have stayed with Inuyasha, would she feel less pain? No. She shook her head to get rid of such traitorous thoughts. She loved Miroku she truly did and that love was not a mistake. Kagome took a deep breath in and exhaled getting of all her negative energy and doubts a tricked she picked up from Miroku.

Kagome winced remembering her plan of revenge. She had to admit what she was doing was pretty immature. Plus this kind of thing only worked in trashy romance novels right? Kagome let out a laugh when she realized her life was just like a trashy romance novel. I mean what girl do you know gets whisked away on her sixteenth birthday to feudal Japan and forced to fight a madman to save all of Japan, and then fall in love along the way. Her life was like one big dramatic show filled with some angst, laughter, and romance thrown in the mix. So this highly dramatic thing seemed normal right? It's better then killing herself plus what was that saying about "revenge is sweet and hell hath no fury like a women scorned." In retrospect what she was doing was really adequate for lack of a better word. She still loved Miroku even after he treated her like dirt. And she knew deep down in her heart that he still loved her.

So Kagome stood up with determination and tightened her grip on her clothes. She was going to flirt with Miroku shamelessly, drive him crazy and then he'll drop to the ground worshiping her and beg her for forgiveness.

The evil little smile came back on Kagome's face as she put on her "special" underwear that was made more for looking then wearing. OoOh Miroku was really going to get it and nothing could get in the way of her sweet revenge.

**Feudal Era: Hot Spring**

Miroku sneezed for the fiftieth time as he got out of the hot spring. He must be catching a cold….or something.


End file.
